Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
