It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize