Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
