It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
