So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
