Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
