i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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