he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
