Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
