Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
