I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
