yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
