I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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