A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
