I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
