Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
