mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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