I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
