I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
