i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
