I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I am spending my child support on dildos
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Randomize
