the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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