did you get engaged???
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
