I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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