Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
