Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize