you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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