she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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