he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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