I'm lost and stupid without you.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
