Buhtt sex?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
