Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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