Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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