Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
my poor anus
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
