Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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