This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
