So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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