hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
