My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
