I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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