ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
