I got chris browned last night
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
