I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
