Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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