Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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