can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Holy shit dude........stairs
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize