those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
