do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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