I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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