I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
