I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
