if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
