Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
