I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
