my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
