My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
