handjob tips. give me some.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
