her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
third nipple confirmed
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
