You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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