You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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