at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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