Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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