I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
In other news, I just burned my penis
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
