Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you would pick up someone in the library
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
