if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Still dying that you shit outside
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
