He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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