i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
