Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
