i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Randomize
