In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
