I just threw up on my dentist
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize