Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
