No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
