I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
