so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
